- Why We Need Objectification In Our Lives
- Sexually Objectifying Men
- Objectification In The Literal Sense
- To Wrap It Up…
I went to India once, to this place called Goa. The women were wonderfully tanned and the men mostly high. Back then, I didn’t know objectification as a fetish existed in such varied forms. So, when I saw this man come up to a woman and simply take her top off while uttering phrases I’d have taken as shocking, I was sort of amused.
India isn’t really a place where you get to see this openly…except when there’s a rave party going on. Then, you can sit and have a beer with complete strangers while asking them all sorts of questions to satisfy your curiosity. And trust me when I say it, it’s all consensual – I made sure of it. When you engage in any fetish at all, you should make sure to.
Objectification as a fetish can be practiced by almost everyone – the trick is to find what kind of objectification gets you going. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating catcalling or crass behavior. If anything, I’m vehemently against non-consensual objectification. Practicing a fetish should impart pleasure to all parties involved.
When I came back from the holiday, I did my own research. Which, of course, meant both talking to people I knew about it and some sleepless nights in front of the computer. I used to believe that objectification as a fetish only involved treating a man or a woman like an object – usually a sexual object, as I perceived during my holiday in India – and that’s it. But oh, there’s more.
So this is what this article is mostly about – objectification, sexual, and otherwise. Just look at this art collection by Allen Jones that I found while researching about this fetish. Now, many have said this is an objectification kink coming to the fore but the artist says it’s simply art…I’ll leave it on you to decide. Kinky or not, we can all agree that the inspiration behind these pieces wasn’t sexual. At least the artist says so.
Then there’s that practice in Japan – Nyotaimori – where you literally eat food off of women’s bodies. And this happens in restaurants as well! You and I will call this a food fetish but it’s also a type of objectification. Women here are serving tables – and this type isn’t sexual at all. Moreover, often it’s frowned upon when you sexualize these objectified women.
Technically, the bottom line is, getting some more information about this whole thing wouldn’t hurt. That’s what brings me here! I’ll talk about types of objectification as a fetish, how to practice it, and some other issues – both physical and psychological – related to it! Let’s begin then, shall we?
Why We Need Objectification In Our Lives
No, this isn’t the regular “I’m horny for you and that’s it” objectification that I’m saying we need. It’s objectification, but with a twist. And keep in mind this is the sexual kind. We’ll cover the other kinds in the next sections. So to begin, studies say that in a long-term relationship, with time, women tend to get less sexually aroused than men. This happens because of the level of comfort between the partners increases.
It’s all well and good when you don’t mind the infrequent lovemaking. But sometimes, you just want to have a good time…head banging on the board good time. So here’s what you do – you understand the context and appreciate your partner’s body vocally, among other things. Don’t forget the other things. No one wants a partner who is constantly commenting on how your body is or should be.
Even sexy compliments, when too frequent, can be considered lewd. It can also be borderline abusive to notice only how your partner looks. This will result in the end of harmony and often unwanted sex. And we all know what that means. Understanding the context would be noticing when your partner has made an effort towards their appearance…and then commenting on it. It could be a haircut or trying out different hair color. At times, noticing a new dress could be a start at some healthy sexual objectification. Or maybe go a step ahead and buy a sexy dress for your partner.
I personally, as a heterosexual, find it a turn-off when a woman is just physically attractive. But, when you appreciate your partner wholly, body and mind, it can do wonders for their confidence. Sexual objectification, that way, is crucial in any relationship. It’s gratifying to be appreciated. In simple terms, it’s a huge turn-on to know that even after years, you find each other hot.
Now, remember how I said that sex drive goes away with time? You can bring it right back if only you notice your partner has a rocking body and tell them that. And not just that, wouldn’t it be nice to forget about the everyday worries every once in a while? Be it financial stress, something at work or maybe just worrying about your kids, taking a night off to appreciate each other can be a good idea.
Sexually Objectifying Men – Don’t Let Just The Girls Have it All
Sexual objectification of women is evident. It’s everywhere and most women hate it. It can lead to abusive and unwanted relationships that do nothing but harm. So, sexual objectification needs to be done delicately and by gauging the partner’s reaction.
I love looking at breasts but I can’t be doing it when my partner is preparing for an important meeting. She would love it, I know this because she has told me if I said out loud how perfectly shaped those boobs were any other time. But not when her mind is occupied with graphs and charts. Then she’d just be irritated. And probably throw a stapler at my head. Do you feel the difference? Do you feel what I’m trying to say?
It’s the same with men. Men also like being objectified…just get the timing right. It’s no secret men love to hear about how big they are. But you can’t be saying that all the time. And we know when you fake moaning. So firstly, be honest and secondly, appreciate what you like about us men. Starting from the eyelashes – yes, we are at times blessed indeed – to the shape of our face, compliment away.
I read this article about how women who ask for sex directly are presumed as way too forward. And okay, maybe unconsciously some people think that way. But as a woman if you go up to a man and compliment him in a manner you think he’ll appreciate, chances are he will. I’m not asking you to be Samantha – not everyone can be her – but have your fair share of dates by asking men out yourselves.
Even in long-term relationships, be the one to sexually gratify your man. Some days, and we all know there are such days, your partner might just look utterly delicious with his rough hair and unfixed just-woke-up morning gaze. Maybe try and catch him off guard with a smile and a compliment…men like it too, just as much as women do.
A Tip For You: For both partners, once you find out how much your partner is into sexual objectification, move forward with it. From sexy compliments to leaving dirty texts on each other’s phones, try out dirty talking to make the most of it!
Objectification In The Literal Sense
Now let’s come to the hardcore fetish. The eating off of someone’s body because they’re, for the time being, both a table and a plate type of fetish. You could always mix this non-sexual kinda little bit with the sexual kind of objectification but it’s often kept separate. Especially in the BDSM community, where people from various walks of life take their kinks pretty seriously when they say you’re a plate…you’re only a plate.
But you could also be a sex toy, just saying. Your task, as a submissive, for the day, could be simply to keep yourself lubricated. Whenever your dominant wants, they can just ‘use’ you as a masturbatory aid on-demand to pleasure themself. This is a nice way to mix up objectification with sex.
There are some other types of objectification – mainly these three – that you can be into, let’s take a look at them one after the other.
This one is pretty common. As the name suggests, you become a doll. The dominant is then free to do as they wish with their doll. This could either be a sex doll or simply a doll as an object of decoration. This is usually achieved by either wearing a doll-faced mask or simply putting yourself in an inflatable sex doll suit.
As a doll, you wouldn’t be able to move, react or make a sound. You won’t be allowed to show any agency – vocal or otherwise. Your dominant would be free to dress you, treat you or carry you as they see fit. Dollification is preferred by many BDSM practitioners who are into objectification as a literal fetish.
Objectification and animalism come together in pet play. Keep in mind that bestiality with real animals is never encouraged. Therefore, if you’re interested in getting it on with a pony, either get one of those creative dildos or get yourself a consensual partner. Leave the actual animals alone, alright?
Now, pet play includes the type of objectification where you treat your submissive as your pet. This isn’t literal objectification but in the anthropocentric (human in the center of it all) sense, if you’re not seen as a human, you’re only a little more than an object. The Dom can put the sub in a cage, feed it, pet it or punish it – it’s between them to decide what they’re into.
This objectification can take place in many ways. To behave like a Stepford Wife, for example. The sub will have no identity of their own, to begin with, and that’s objectification 101.
Moreover, there is the treating your sub as furniture to satisfy your objectification fetish. This comes as a part of utility fetish and Allen Jones probably went to town with this idea itself. Depersonalization can also happen when you treat your sub as a sex performer. Basically, objectification is anything when you simply refuse to take a person as a whole and focus on one, a mostly sexual, aspect that only pleasures you.
To Wrap It Up…
There’s a most common question on if objectification is something worth practicing as a fetish. People question themselves and their partners and wonder if treating someone as an object only is something bad…or is loving being treated as an object showing a kind of weakness?
Firstly, as I’d mentioned above, crass objectification will always be frowned upon. And secondly, BDSM is all about power play dynamics. Being a sub doesn’t make you weak. Always remember that you yourself have chosen to give someone – your Dom – power over you. To be able to do that, to make that bold decision to follow what gives your pleasure, is a sign of strength itself.
Just one word to the wise is, to communicate with your partner. Find what works for both of you and don’t forget to use the safe words and safe gestures whenever you need to! Among yourselves, I’m sure you can find much more interesting ways of objectification!