Dirty Talk For Beginners: Overcome That Fear That Holds You Back!

Dirty Talk For Beginners: Overcome That Fear That Holds You Back!
Martin Moore
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I never thought a woman would like to be called a whore. Excuse my French, I’m not trying to be disrespectful here, but I feel like I need to begin this article about talking dirty or dirty talk – whatever may you call it – with a personal anecdote. I was with this girl, who I’d been going out with for quite a while by then, and one time when we were together (like together, together) she, there’s no other way to put it, she asked me to call her a whore. 

I was flummoxed, obviously. It didn’t immediately click in my mind what she wanted to initiate, so I asked again just to make sure if this is actually what she wanted to hear. So okay, I said the word but it was so awkward for me to say it, I’m afraid it came out feebly and without the required amount of passion. Lucky for me, the dear girl did not take offense but just laughed and said, “that’s not how you talk dirty”. Pray to tell, how does one talk dirty? It took me some time to learn after that…maybe after reading this article, it’ll be a little easier for you to talk dirty than it was for me.

Dirty Talk For Beginners: What Exactly is Dirty Talk?

For most of the time that I sat and thought about this matter, I wondered if I should just start calling women dirty names left and right. I mean, if she – the aforementioned darling – wanted to be called a whore, what was the harm in piling on similar words one on top of the other and just jumping ahead to get a move on?

Trouble was, it’s not what you say… it’s how you say it. And talking dirty isn’t just calling names, it’s more than that. It’s telling your partner, or partners, what you’d like to do to each other or what is it that gets you going…you know what, I’ll get into all that in the next section, wait a bit.

To go back a bit to the beginning, I couldn’t just go up to this girl I was very much into, tap her on the shoulder (spank her on the butt cheek?), and get all grizzly outright. Something inside me told me that’s just not how you do it. So, what do we do when we’re trying to talk dirty? 

How to Begin an Episode of Dirty Talking?

It’s very important to give at least a bit of an introduction

And by introduction, I mean warning, and by giving I mean discussing. Discuss with your partner(s) what is okay to say to each other and what is off-limits. You do not want to be caught like a deer in the headlights, or catch your partner off guard like that either – however sexy it sounds, being asked to call your partner something extremely naughty can at times make you go like, ‘what the hell?’

Try introducing dirty talk or the idea of talking dirty by saying something like how you have a ‘dirty mouth’ or how you’re in a ‘dirty mood’. Trust me, when you get a little husky with your voice and say “let’s exchange some R-rated words” your partner will know and will be subsequently ready to totally be in the mood for dirty talk. 

This is also a good time to set some boundaries – not everyone likes to be called a whore and not every man may like it when you purr like a kitty. Talk it out with each other, see what you’re okay with because the last thing you want to do is kill the mood when you’re in the middle of something good.

What Exactly to Say When Talking Dirty?

Now that you’ve made it known that you want to talk dirty or you like dirty talking, to begin you can say you had a sexy dream and continue to elaborate on what you saw. To continue with my anecdote and impart some insight into this – because I’m a research freak who has to do everything right, I Googled articles on dirty talk, I called up my friends to know more about who did what and I had a conversation with this woman for whom I was doing all of this – I started with dirty texts before saying anything face to face.

sexy text message

The texts actually began quite sweetly with me telling her how I’d like to sneak in beside her on her bed. And then she said what she’d like me to do next and I told her what I like done to me and no, I’m not telling you where this whole conversation went but you get the idea, don’t you? If I can do this, you can too, just be open to say whatever you think is right for the mood.

Tips to Overcome That Fear That Holds You Back!

Honestly, I really admire how the girl – she has a name but I’m keeping it anonymous (you and I, for purposes of mentioning her here and only here in this article, can call her Crystal as I’m really into crystals these days) – so yeah I really admire how Crystal just flat out asked me to call her something a lot of people would find shocking and offensive to even say out loud.

Not everyone can just come up and say, go on, call me this, or let’s talk about that because it makes me feel good. There are just so many factors holding us back. Most of us don’t even acknowledge what makes us happy or what excites us or gives us a thrill! I know, it’s all very personal – that’s the exact reason why I haven’t listed out all those things that I like to be called behind closed doors or behind a bush, for that matter (kidding, I’m just kidding) – but sex is also personal. Being intimate with someone is also extremely personal and if you let fear hold you back here, when are you truly going to let yourself be free?

The foremost thing that stops anyone from even remotely considering dirty talk is shame. Shame, being shy – call it whatever you may – and the fear of what will they think of me? That’s why you introduce it into a conversation – this is why it’s necessary to talk it out and tell your partner that you like being a bit naughty with your words.

Be enthusiastic about dirty talk and do not overthink it

Be confident because talking dirty is not really something shameful, at least not anymore. If anything, the thought of saying out loud all those things that you want to do to your partner might actually turn you and them on. (Really, try sexting, it’s quite fun.)

Don’t be afraid to be vocal with sounds

What’s dirty talk without the occasional mmph and the ooh and the ah? Okay, you might not make these exact noises but once you’re so turned on your skin is burning, don’t stop that moan from escaping your lips. Dirty talking 101 also covers knowing how to go with the sexy flow of emotions, or hormones, if that may be the case.

Ask questions, make requests and tips on what to do after?

I’m saying it again, it’s okay to talk everything out – ask things like “is it okay if I…?” or say things like “I really want you to…are you comfortable with it?” – and once you’ve been there you can discuss how it was. Ask your partner if they were comfortable or if they had fun and would want to do it again.

The Benefits That Dirty Talk Brings Into a Relationship

The very first thing talking dirty does is bring two people closer together. It’s like banter – only dirtier. It’s actually quite fun once you get into it. Some people might not be able to, or have difficulty beginning talking dirty to a long time partner or a significant other, but that’s not because they’re not confident or don’t know what to say – it’s because they think talking dirty is reserved only for one night stands and friends with benefits. To think that you can’t both talk dirty to have fun and have a meaningful connection with each other at the same time is simply just missing out on something amazing.

dirty talk brings you closer together

Dirty talking with a partner you’re in a relationship with also helps you know more about that person. Do you know if “daddy’s little girl” is a trigger for your partner? Do you know if your moaning makes him go wild? You never know these things unless you ask them, or try them. The worst that can happen is you’ll get a reaction you weren’t hoping for. But so what? If the two of you are into each other, you’ll continue to know more about each other. Dirty talking can at times make you vulnerable as well – mix and match by asking that ‘slut’ to caress you to sleep (again, no disrespect here) – all I’m saying is, you can do you.

Whatever may the reason be, go ahead and see if you like voicing your sexual desires…you should try everything at least once.

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