Swinger Lifestyle, Group Sex, Polyamory: Are We For It Or Not?

• Why Should We Consider Polyamory?
• Swinging and Group Sex
• Rules Of Modern Day Swinger Lifestyle
• How To Practice Polyamory With Your Partner?
• Takeaway

Since we’re here to talk about non-monogamy in this article, we must start with a relatable scenario. No, I’m not taking you to a swingers’ party for group sex or swinger lifestyle just about yet, but let’s start with something of an everyday level. Go ahead and humor yourself while thinking of a scenario such as this: you’ve met a person you like. 

This person is good for you and you both care about each other immensely as well. But here’s the catch: you met each other on a dating app. You met other people there as well, of course. Now, you’re not ready to entirely be with this person – because let’s face it, you swiped right just 2 weeks ago and that’s way too early for commitment – but you’re not ready to give up on a chance at future happiness with each other either.

So what do you do? The answer is extremely simple: you explore till you’re sure you’ve found someone to be exclusive with. Polyamory is so encouraged these days that gone are those old notions of dating! The romcoms that we watched growing up, where the (always) heterosexual couple met and married within the course of a month, let’s face it, they’re outdated.

I love a good movie with Julia Roberts or Meg Ryan in it just like the next person, but that does not mean I’ll take everyone to be my Tom Hanks. You get my point, don’t you? As long as you’re not cheating and you’ve taken the consent of your partner to go about and explore, swinging is in! Group sex or non-monogamy isn’t just for a selective group of people now – this lifestyle is here to welcome you with open arms.

Why Should We Consider Polyamory?

Instagram has single-handedly managed to fill up my wall or explore page or whatever these kids are calling it these days with posts about polyamory. The algorithm is quite devious, really. You might just have searched up one hashtag four days ago and forgotten about it. But they’ll keep showing you posts about only and only that one thing everywhere for the next ten days – advertisement even. 

This will go on till you’ve kept aside everything else you were doing to sit down and write an article about it. Well, the part about writing an article is just me, you’d probably enjoy the surplus amount of similar content – I know at times I do before it turns into an overdose. Anyway, so there I was listening to the story of this friend of mine who allegedly liked two people at the same time. She had gone on a vacation with one of her, well, lovers and was telling me all about it.

Naturally, I’m connected to them on Instagram and while looking at the vacation pictures, I made one search about #polyamory, and there it was – the storehouse of twenty-first-century dating conventions. Apparently, many are doing it. But that isn’t the reason why I’m all for it. Honestly, peer pressure should never be the reason why you do something – be it from friends or a partner. But non-monogamy, and its various counterparts, have their own benefits.

Polyamory is a means of exploration

The first and foremost benefit of non-monogamy is the freedom to explore. We tend to expect too much from one relationship. It’s okay to expect some things from your partner. They should obviously be someone you can count on and trust and even love. But what if you’re into reading fiction and they think it’s a waste of time and addictive?

I’ve had couples fight over this very same issue: a clash in interests. If someone is compatible with you, cares for you, and you two gel immensely well…would you simply give up on them because one of your interests doesn’t match up? The conventional answers would be something along the lines of “interests must match up” or “how can they think your favorite pastime is a waste of time?”.

This certainly can be called a red flag but where polyamory is concerned, you simply don’t have to put so much pressure on just one relationship. It’s time to be an adult and realize that people are diverse. One man’s ham and cheese sandwich is another man’s ‘I am a vegan’. 

Go out there and explore! Don’t see polyamory as something that’s making you divide your attention. You do not have to give your attention to all your partners equally – that’s where compartmentalizing your relationships comes in. You pick for yourself one partner who is a constant and simply make further relationships based on your and these potential partners’ needs!

Your partner doesn’t want to join a book club with you? Fine, find another person who aligns with this interest of yours. Are you tired of eating out alone at restaurants? No worries, you can have a date with someone who likes pork ribs as much as you do! 

You don’t have to compromise and give up on your interests. Communicate with your current partner, be open-minded towards their needs and learn to accept a person just the way they are through practicing non-monogamy.

Swinger Lifestyle and Group Sex is Something More Than Just a Random Adventure:

I’ve heard so many people say, “we don’t need to have sexual adventures, our sex life is wonderful as it is”, well, good for you. But can you take a moment to consider how much more thrilling it would be to go through these sexual adventures together? Have you even talked about it with your partner? 

Most people just accept the conventional way of life. And don’t get me wrong, vanilla is well and good – vanilla has sustained the world till now, I’d give it that – but a little bit of flavor can do you no wrong. Plus there’s this myth that only incompatible people look for other partners in bed. People who go to swinger parties or practice swinging don’t necessarily have a boring sex life with their own partners. 

Group sex is a fun way to find out what you like for yourself, above all else. To find a partner who would be willing to explore your sexual side with you is a boon. It’s hard to find someone who would be as free with their body and mind as you can be. That’s why many people find themselves getting pulled towards the swinger lifestyle. A swingers party is a fine place to find like-minded people!

If you have a partner or are looking for one, or if you simply feel that your urge for exploration is more than your need for settling down, the swinger lifestyle and group sex might just be for you. The best part of it all is the people you meet here strictly adhere to some rules (more on that later) which makes it much easier to connect, disconnect or even stay in touch as friends later.

Some Typical Rules Of Modern Day Swinger Lifestyle Or Group Sex

Many people decide to opt for this lifestyle due to personal reasons. As mentioned earlier, some people want to keep exploring without giving up on their partners and what they’ve found with them already. More and more young people, especially, are looking into the swinger lifestyle for this reason. It’s quite appealing but comes with its own rough patches. Therefore, some basic rules – usually mutually decided upon as well – were inevitable.

A lot more couples than you think are engaging in this lifestyle. (Cosmopolitan says it’s at least 1 in 5 Americans and I believe them!) The first basic rule to remember though would be that swingers’ parties are invitation-only. There’s actually a whole community built around it – you meet a lot of people at these parties. 

Not just people who practice the swinger lifestyle, but stag and vixen couples, voyeurs – after obtaining consent, obviously, and even at times, other BDSM practitioners frequent a swingers party. And you almost always score an invitation-only if you’re a part of this community. Or if it’s a paid party. You cannot simply just barge into one of these parties because you feel like it. You’ve got to respect the process of getting in.

The second basic rule would be to embrace the warm and loving community by honoring the way they do things. Transparency is appreciated and so is honesty. Often when you visit a swingers’ party or if swinging with other people, it is expected that you’d also take into consideration their set of rules – something that they’ve come up with.

These rules are mostly subjective but at times can align with your mindset. The goal, after all, is to find people with similar mindsets and mingle with them. That said, be courteous when there’s a disagreement. And if someone – it can be you, your partner, or even the third person – decides to withdraw at any moment, be free and open enough to let them.

Additional things to remember, sort of unspoken rules so to say, are the matters you need to consider regarding health and hygiene. Do not even remotely try to engage in unprotected sex as that can be unsafe for all your partners and for yourself, of course. And yes, unprotected oral sex counts. No blowjobs without a condom just because you’re lost in the moment. 

Moreover, clean yourself and have a proper grooming session. This will both make you attractive and healthy. Dirty nails or public hair that smells are a huge turn-off. In fact, many people have a strict rule about how much grooming they’d want in their swinging partners. Since these partners are, after all, strangers, it’s of utmost importance you take heed of your health and safety.

How To Practice Polyamory With Your Partner?

The very first time you do something that feels out of the context of monogamy, it’s natural for you to feel a bit guilty. Believe it or not, polyamory does not come naturally to many people…and that’s quite okay, natural even. The first time you even kiss someone who’s not your partner might just feel like you’re cheating on them. And that’s why a few things should be kept in mind while practicing non-monogamy.

Communication and consent

Consent and communication are the big guns that you need to pull out whenever embarking on any kinky journey. It’s the mother of all advice and fits right in for just about any play ever. First, make sure everyone agrees to do what you’re keen on doing, and second, be open about what it makes you feel. 

There might be a few rules that you’d want to come up with all by yourself. As I said above, these things are quite subjective, so you don’t really have to adhere to any kind of mostly certain rules set by someone else. Talk it out, discuss what you like or dislike, and come up with what makes you the happiest.

Don’t shy away from having a discussion about your feelings towards the swinger lifestyle. Don’t shy away from voicing out what you need either. If you want to have 4 boyfriends or girlfriends, or partners, or anything that you think you’d like in your life, say it. Once you begin voicing out what you think you need, your partner will understand and come to terms with it. 

Often you’ll have to find a middle ground with your partner as well, but at the end of the day, you’ll be glad you decided to open up and talk. This open conversation will add to the growth of your relationship with your partner.

Commit to it only after trying it out

Often, you think you’re into polyamory because the idea appeals to you extremely. You go on to sexually explore with other people based on this appeal and…one of these two unexpected things might happen.

First, you’ll realize both of you are not really that much into it, even if you thought you were. Kissing your partner might feel like heaven – really, some people still find joy in the simple pleasures of life, like kissing someone you love. But kissing someone else might just feel like sucking your face. You’ll only miss your chapstick if that happens.

The second possibility is, that you realize you’re not into the whole swinger lifestyle but you’re okay if your partner is or vice versa. Even when one partner is okay with polyamory, the other partner might just realize they’re not into it. It’s not a necessity that both of you will have the need to go out and explore this lifestyle at the same level of depth or intensity. 

Don’t let this bother you though – equality remains in the choice. The choice remains with you as well as your partner. The decision of where anyone chooses to spend their energy remains entirely with them. It’s up to you and your partner to communicate and decide how to proceed. If any one of these two things were to happen, come up with your own terms and rules to deal with it.

Try doing it together or at the same time

Being together with your partner while exploring this lifestyle by bringing a third person in your bed has its benefits. When both of you do it together, you can see firsthand each other’s reactions. You can also discuss later how you can come up with a system that works best for all the included members.

When doing it separately, like if you’re in a long-distance relationship, make sure you explore with different partners at the same given time. Let’s say, one of you decides to explore before the second person even gets a chance to say hello to someone else, chances are there will be jealousy. It’s nothing else but just human nature.

If possible, make sure both of you get a chance to do this at the same time. This way, both of you as partners will know where you stand in this whole business of polyamory. If even without trying you get jealous of a third person, it’ll put you off of the whole thing. You wouldn’t know what you’re missing if you decide never to do it. 

To Conclude The Swinger Lifestyle

You need to have some idea about what you’re doing if you wish to practice the swinger lifestyle. Your non-monogamy must be both ethical and equally fluid. And this applies to you, your partner, and the people you’re going to have hook-ups with. 

Also, one great way of exploring group sex with your partner, along with other swingers, is to join online forums or attend getaways that promote non-monogamy. Be up to the mark with your research about these getaways, book the one which is most reviewed or most liked, or the most popular, and start there!

It’s best to figure out why you’re interested in this lifestyle, explore it at your convenience and remember that you can always choose to be or not to be!