Weird sex toys have an appeal of their own. Remember those Satan Shoes that sold out almost within a minute? Well, they contained actual drops of blood but people still thought they were rad. Of course, many people found them blasphemous, and then there was a lawsuit but the bottom line is, that weird things come in all shapes and sizes.
So in this article, let’s talk about all things weird! I have this friend who gets turned on by the weirdest of things. Like, red lights. I’m not kidding, she has a huge red light in her bedroom. A lot of people think it’s just part of the decor but we know. Oh, we know what that red light is for.
Part of this article will also try and shed some light on why people are so interested in unusual and uncanny things. Then I’ll move on to describe some of the wackiest sex toys ever! And I would have to give each one of them special attention because these sex toys are in shades of weird you haven’t seen before.
But First, Why Are People So Into Weird Sex Toys?
I have a theory. Technically, it’s Freud’s theory but I think it’s applicable here. I’ll try and explain it the way I see it. So, Freud more or less says that something which is uncanny is something that isn’t unusual but commonplace…but presented in an unusual way. This unusualness is mostly hidden from the public eye, but once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Say, the shadow of a tree falling on your bedroom wall and the patterns it makes. Once you start to see the shapes and how they look sort of like stick figures, you see just that. And suddenly, you are transformed back into your childhood home. And you’re wondering if there’s someone outside your window trying to get you.
But most people, adults basically, know that it’s just a tree. But you see there’s a thrill in a tree being daddy-long-legs. Similarly, when we talk about weird sex toys, we talk about commonplace things used in unusual ways. And this is not to scare or unnerve the users but to impart them pleasure.
There are obviously many reasons why people have kinks and fetishes. You and I might call them weird but hey when dildos weren’t invented people used a cucumber to get it on. I bet some called that weird but now we know it was as natural as it could be.
What I’m saying is, that people use weird sex toys because they want to, they like to, and because they can. As long as your kinks and fetishes aren’t harming anyone – and you’ve taken consent – you’re good to practice whatever you want. I mean, if people can wear shoes with actual blood in them, you can wear those thongs that look like a minion.
Some Weird Sex Toys For Everyone To Use
These sex toys may be called weird by some but are for everyone to use. Obviously, it’s based on the preference of anyone who would be interested in using them. But since you’re here you might be interested in some of these already!
Eggplant Emojibator: Let’s start with something both quirky and cute, shall we? The entire Emojibator range is just adorable! Some might just call it weird, getting it on with eggplant emoji-shaped bullet vibrators. But since there are people who wouldn’t mind doing it with actual eggplants, this sex toy is a step up. Not just eggplant-shaped bullet vibrators, you have an option for chilies, bananas, and a bear-shaped popsicle as well. (Check out this Chilli Pepper Glass Dildo as well!)
Although the availability is at times an issue because these may sell out really fast. These tiny vibrators are great for foreplay. They have up to 10 vibration settings and are battery-operated. Besides that, they’re made from 100% body-safe silicone which makes them really safe to use. You can also take this quirkiness to the bathroom as it is totally waterproof!
Vajankles: This one is a classic for sure. Who hasn’t in the foot fetish world heard of the Vajankle? Let me give you an idea of what it is. It’s a silicone-made super-soft foot – ideally shaped to look like a woman’s foot – that comes with a vagina-like opening for penetration. I mean, we know that foot fetishers love the smell, the color, the looks, and even the adornments on the foot. So this one sex toy is an absolute favorite of foot lovers.
Using feet to penetrate someone, or watching it happen, would be their #goals but this one sex toy just takes everything to the next level. You get to penetrate the foot itself with this weird sex toy. There are openings on the sex toy that provides wonderful physical stimulation for you. Did you ever think this was possible? And guess what, there’s a vajankle designed for anal intrusions as well!
Inflatable Vibrating Dildo Seat: Things are starting to get a bit weirder here as this seat guarantees the ride of a lifetime! Firstly, it’s inflatable and secondly, it’s got a vibrating dick attached to it. I’d say, forget suction for a while and imagine bouncing, quite literally, your way to an orgasm. It’s remote-controlled and the vibration is supposed to be pretty strong!
Although, the dildo is made from plastic and is a bit hard. So maybe, keep lube handy. Another great way to make sure a sex toy doesn’t end up hurting you is to put a condom over it. That way you can just slather lube over the condom and insertion becomes super easy! The Single Magic Ball sort of works on the same principle as well. Also, cleaning these sex toys is super easy – just use soap and water!
Duck with a Dick: And here’s this weird sex toy to completely ruin your childhood. And God forbid if you have a photo of yours with your beloved ducky…I’m sorry you had to see this. But this sex toy is both weird and hilarious. If you read about and research sex toys as much as I do, you’ll know that not many things will surprise a kink enthusiast.
But this one takes the crown because what even was the manufacturer thinking? Our beloved ducky now has a penis that floats underneath the water. I’m not sure if you can actually use the penis – although it is safe to use – if you’re a collector of weird sex toys, this one should definitely make the list. And if you plan to take this ‘rude bath buddy’ with you to the bathtub, you might as well let him have his way with you.
NerdClimax: This glow-in-the-dark grim reaper dildo is definitely a weird sex toy. It’s so artistic you wouldn’t know if to use it or display it. But whether you decide to put it inside your bedside drawer or on it is entirely on you. It definitely gives out a Halloween-y – creepy yet thrilling – vibe.
There are other variations of the grim reaper dildo that certainly makes you feel all daring and unholy at the same time. Many monster dildos might give you the same experience. It’s all worth a look if you’re seriously into the otherworldly genre of kink. And oh, while we’re talking about things that are out of this world, be sure to check out these inflatable alien sex dolls!
Tonguetacle: This one is probably the grooviest of all sex toys on this list. The tonguetacle, allegedly, is modeled on a tongue that allows you to lick yourself wherever you want. The sensation would be like that of a tongue on your body. This is the ultimate self-pleasuring sex toy…but definitely weird.
It definitely looks sort of wacky – like the longest tongue you’ve seen. This is a sex toy that makes you thank discreet shipping. You can also customize it with different colors. It’s easy to clean with warm soapy water and is made from 100% body-safe silicone. So I guess, lick away!
Orgasmatron 3000: I’ve saved the best for the last. I present to you, the ultimate washing machine, sorry, I meant, pleasure machine. You see, I didn’t believe it at first when I found out what the principle behind Orgasmatron 3000 was. It, apparently, is to please all those who love the vibrations of a washing machine way too much.
Well, kinks are unique to each individual, I’ll give them that any day of the week and twice on Sunday. You put a saddle on top of a washing machine and there you have it, the weirdest sex toy ever.
Other than these, there’s also the extremely unusual Gaga Camera Vibrator but it’s sold out almost everywhere!
Some Tips On How To Use These Weird Sex Toys
Well, of course, I’m not going to give you a detailed 101 on how to use sex toys. You already know how to use a particular sex toy to pleasure yourself to the optimum. (If you don’t or are a beginner or would like to know more, there are videos on YouTube actually. They show you how to use a vibrator, among other things. And there’s the user manual that comes with any sex toy, obviously. Give that a read to know more about the particular sex toy you’re using.)
Anyway, the point of this section is to make sure you keep some common things in mind. Most of these things are safety and consent related. That said, never participate in a kink if you or your partner haven’t given consent to it. Don’t spring something up at your partner as a surprise either. You think it’s a good idea in the heat of the moment but it’s not always the case.
Imagine taking out a zombie fleshlight or the Tonguetacle and instead of excitement, you get hysteria. That said, also always be sure to clean your sex toys – weird or otherwise. Weird Sex toys might need some extra care while cleaning. But most important is that you use disinfectants along with soap and water for a thorough cleaning.
Alright then, now let’s move on to some tips.
Pay attention to the setting
To use a weird sex toy, you can’t just take it out or plug it in and start using it. No. You’ve got to set the mood. Especially if a partner is involved and willing to engage in your kinks with you. Take care that it’s just the right moment to take out the toy and use it.
You can try to bring some props in the bedroom that contribute to the theme. If it’s aliens, play some groovy music. If it’s the zombie fleshlight, similarly, dramatic music and dim lights are the way to go. Pink and shiny butt plugs would require peppy settings. And if you’re planning on getting some naughty but weird emoji sex toys, make sure you include other fun elements in your session!
Decide how much discretion is necessary
When you’re getting the ride of a lifetime on top of the inflatable dildo seat or the magic ball, it’s up to you to decide how loud or quiet you want to be. I’ve personally known people who, when in the mood, masturbate through a closed door while there are people milling about on the other side. They’re usually extremely discrete.
You can be loud if you choose to indulge with your weird sex toy when no one else is home. Or you can be loud even when there’s a party going on. Based on your preferences, choose the location for your session! Being quiet can come naturally to some people but then again, if you’re having a Big O, I’d recommend you don’t stifle any moans that want to escape your lips.
If given a chance, I can say a lot of things. If it was up to me I’d tell you all about how I felt when I used one…or maybe two of the weird sex toys from the list above. The well of my anecdotes does not run dry easily. But I think I’ve prepared you, more or less, with some helpful knowledge. So go on, embark on your own weird journey with your preferred weird sex toy!