- What Orgasm Control Is And The Benefits
- How To Begin Trying For Orgasm Control?
- Addition Tips To Consider
- Is Orgasm Control Safe?
I’ve been really engrossed in a book recently. And it hasn’t let me do much else before I finally finished it this morning. The story is about a gigolo and how he spends his days, juggling between life and work – his work being pleasing women all the time.
A lot of us might already have this idea that prostitution is a job where you need your body to listen to your mind, at all times. So while I was reading to find out more about it, I stopped, in the past three days, only for a second to think about orgasm control…and whether this gigolo from this novel of mine ever had to learn how to practice it.
The protagonist talks about all the women he has been with. He goes on about how important it was to please them all, of course. Well, isn’t orgasm control all about delaying pleasure for the greater good? And by the greater good, I mean super intense orgasms. Given, that a character from a book who has to have too much sex made me think about a completely opposite kink where you abstain from attaining climax, but that’s just how my brain works.
And who is to say our narrator didn’t have to practice this very kink to make himself more appealing to his lady friends? Because my mind is my own, I imagined myself thinking about what he must have been up to within those closed walls. Why there was this lady who liked to give cigarette burns to all her hired lovers, so why not other kinks?
Going through one kink after another in my mind is what landed me on ‘edging‘ (one of orgasm control’s nicknames, basically, when you’re practicing it alone). So, I’ve scooped up some pretty great techniques, tips, and random anecdotes (my specialty, really) on ‘edging’ for you. I’m going to enjoy this article a lot…because now that the book is done with, all I can think about is kinks!
What Orgasm Control Is And The Benefits
Apart from wanting to last longer in bed, why else would you want to practice orgasm control? Before I list a few benefits, let me explain in clear terms what it is. The name is pretty evident though, you try to control or prolong your orgasm and that’s about it. It includes you coming really close to seeing stars but not going all the way.
You can do this to yourself or a partner. Now, the problem is that not everyone wants to or knows how to delay orgasms, that’s where the tips and techniques come in. Practicing to delay your orgasms can help you attain more intense orgasms when you finally allow yourself to cum. So, you could practice this type of control to experience more toe-curling episodes. The built-up tension in your body will add to an incredibly powerful release. Yes, think about fountains.
Another thing that results from orgasm control is the prolongation of the time you and your partner(s) get to spend together. If you have a weekend and would like to use almost all of it in the arms of someone special, knowing how to delay the end of it might come in handy.
Or, you can practice orgasm control if you want to dominate your submissive. Now that I’ve read more about it, I know that orgasm control, for men and women alike, can also be for domination. Power play holds an important role in the BDSM community. It’s really hot to allow or not allow your partner to come, BDSM or no BDSM. And then there’s also a factor of trust acting between two people to let someone have so much power over you.
To realize if you’ve found someone to be this vulnerable with can be tested out with these edge plays. Communicate to discuss your boundaries and make sure you have a safe word and a safe gesture ready. It’s also crucial to honor each other’s limits and take consent before participating in any sexual plays. Whatever the reason may be, let’s see how you can practice orgasm control. We can then gradually move on to some tips for beginners and experts alike in the next section.
How To Begin Trying For Orgasm Control?
Better sex and better orgasms lead to better relationships. I’m not saying it, a lot of people are, actually – and this could be true, but only to some extent. Although, one of the primary reasons people try to practice something like orgasm control is to improve in bed. But that might not always be it. You might simply want to just try it to see if it actually works – even if you have a great sex life.
You know, lasting too long in bed isn’t that much of a big deal. A good eight to ten minutes can do wonders. And those ten minutes can be utilized using not just a penis, but your hands, your tongue, or even a sex toy. I’d like to add an anecdote I’d been told once by a friend here. She was dating this boy she was really into…but he lasted only about a minute in bed.
Now, it was okay for her because he was pretty adept with his fingers, tongue, and sex toys but at times…you just want to go at it rough and hard yourself. And I think I can understand wanting that. Because my friend is a sweetheart the boy started to get insecure after a while. No, not insecure about the fact that she might leave him – their sex life was pretty great actually.
My friend always says, “I’m not going to not date an amazing person just because he cums in under two minutes.” The boy, though, started getting insecure about himself and not being able to please my friend the way he, at times, wanted to. His most recurring complaint was, “I want to enjoy sex a little bit more with you”. It was a pickle, really.
We are a pretty tight group, my friends and I when it comes to discussing life, sex, or anything else. So, that was the first instance I’d heard someone talk about practicing orgasm control. My friend had told me it was time to try some of these methods to see if it made her partner happy to last longer in bed. I’ve compiled some of those methods, step by step, here and more!
Recognizing the ‘point of no return’:
The first and foremost lesson in orgasm control is knowing when you’re at the brink of extreme pleasure and then simultaneously stopping. You must identify that point, crossing which you cannot stop yourself from orgasming. That’s the point of no return. When you know you’re reaching it, you’ve got to slow down.
This takes a lot of control at first but then starts to come naturally with time and practice. Men usually have a clear idea about when they’re about to get their release and so do women. What you have to do is stop doing what you’re doing at that moment, however good it feels, take deep breaths and prepare to stop. When you lessen the stimulation you were providing yourself, your arousal levels drop and you can start all over again!
There’s quite an easy way to practice orgasm control, and it’s called ballooning. What you do is find the most sensitive part of your penis and keep rubbing it for stimulation. Remember to touch only that part. Soon, you’ll be hard and sometime later, ready to cum. That’s when you stop touching yourself. You’ll be flaccid soon enough. You can keep repeating this process for as long as you want if you’re practicing solo orgasm denials.
Practice and observe on your own or with a partner:
Recognizing the point of no return happens when you learn to recognize the signs. The quickening of the breath or the curling of the toes is usually when you’re close. Some women can also feel a twitch inside them when they’re close to an orgasm. The more you practice controlling your orgasm, the better you get at it.
Try repeating the whole process of starting to masturbate or have sex, recognizing those signs, and then consciously stopping before you can start again. An important discovery, when you’re with your partner, would be to observe each other and learn when the partner is close. You could also be vocal about it. So, the next time someone screams “I’m cumming-I’m cumming”, look at their face and their body to find similarities.
Practice and observation help the two of you familiarize yourself with each other’s point of no return. This observation can help in multiple ways. Firstly, it’s all too easy to get lost in the moment and forget to say it out loud when you’re close. This will result in orgasm and the purpose would be defeated. If you know when your partner is close because you’ve noticed the bodily signs – those curling of the toes or even biting of the lip – they won’t have to say anything for you to know!
The sub might just lose themself and forget to tell you when to stop. As a Dom, if you’re familiar with the signs of their point of no return, you could just command them to stop. Even without BDSM in the picture, knowing when to ask to stop gives you an added advantage of not relying on anyone.
Introduction of punishments:
It’s all well to practice and observe and try to control your orgasm, or your partner’s, for that matter, but punishments make it so much more fun! In BDSM, starting from floggers to chains and even anal suspension – everything goes as punishment. If you’re not so hardcore, add lighter punishments as a motivator for orgasm control.
You could add something simple as doing the dishes if the partner refuses to cooperate even after giving consent. It can be hard to deny yourself the simple pleasures of life but trust me, a little restraint on yourself only provides you with the sweetest of results. Or just deny orgasm yourself the next time you’re intimate with each other.
If you follow the two methods above and keep practicing, you won’t need one partner to be vocal after a point in time. You’ll know each other’s bodies and would know when they’re ready for release. Once you learn to identify the signs, stop the stimulation on yourself or your partner. Repeat the process and gradually build up to a massive release.
Setting some guidelines:
Just like we have our safe words and safe gestures, we have orgasm control guidelines. No, you don’t necessarily have to follow them to the word, but discussing to work out something along the lines would make this a lot easier and enjoyable. The very first thing you need to do is find a signal.
You see, sex isn’t something formal. You can’t just keep your mind all focused and say, ‘Darling, stop I’m cumming’ in the middle of your banging session. That’s why you need orgasm signals, screaming STOP works, but so do raising a finger or soft but urgent pats on your partner’s body. And these probably won’t alarm your partner as much as screaming would.
Also, it’s not plausible to stop your pleasure midway and then start again immediately. You need some break time between starting again. A minute or two of breathing or gentle stimulation before beginning again is a good way to relax during orgasm control. You can also switch roles. Decide how many times you want to stop and start before switching the roles.
You could also decide after how many times it’s okay to give in and enjoy a natural orgasm. Or if you’re tired, communicate and attain your release after stopping. After your break, simply pleasure yourself if you’re done for the day!
Additional Tips To Consider
Always remember that sexual and BDSM plays are joint efforts. Discuss the terms with each other before engaging in physical relations. Who is to control their orgasm first? Make this a play among yourselves! Are you to be vocal or should a partner look for signs of orgasming and stop stimulation when they see it fit?
Similarly, decide the punishments together to make this more fun! Take away the rights – be it of the TV remote or of masturbation and see your partner comply! Only, remember that this must happen consensually. Also, dirty talking takes this whole thing to the next level! Try arousing each other with words.
Another idea is to consider sex toys. A chastity cage is the ultimate orgasm control device. When you’re practicing edging, you usually orgasm after stopping and then starting a few times. Prolonged orgasm control that denies orgasm for days or weeks is also an option if you’re interested in extreme participation.
Moreover, tease your partner about when they’re about to come. Make this, or him, harder to increase the excitement! Handjobs and blowjobs are part of sex, so don’t shy away from them either. Remember, this is you trying to have as much fun as possible. So do what you always do, don’t think much about it, and keep practicing prolonging this fun!
Is Orgasm Control Safe?
Besides being afraid of blue balls, there’s not much to be afraid of. I repeat again, make sure you have consent before you go around denying people orgasms. It can be frustrating to not be able to achieve an end to some mind-blowing sex otherwise. Not that orgasms are the IT factor of sexual encounters, but some still want to jump off that cliff and fly.
Although at times, you can face something like a delayed orgasm. This is when lasting too long in bed starts to become troublesome. You wouldn’t want to be banging someone for an hour, now would you? Even 20 minutes is too long for some people and leaves them dehydrated. It’s funny because dehydration and stress are actually the reasons behind this condition.
Practicing orgasm control has nothing to do with this kind of delay. If you have trouble ejaculating even when you’re not trying to deny yourself that pleasure, it’s time to see a medical professional. Dry orgasms are also something that’s usually attributed to practicing orgasm control. But keep in mind that dry orgasms are nothing to be afraid of.
Something called a half or disappearing orgasms are something you could take note of. This is when you reach the edge, and try to jump, but can’t. The only way to achieve a body shattering – vagina contracting orgasm is, though, to keep practicing masturbation. This will not only help you get acquainted with your body better but you’ll know what absolutely works for you in bed.
All that said, if you feel something is wrong, see a doctor. Anorgasmia is an actual medical condition and needs medical attention. If you’ve been having trouble reaching an orgasm, even if you practice orgasm control or not, it’s time you got your junior checked out.
Wrapping up, all I’d like to say is, that orgasm control might not be for you but there’s no harm in trying it out. There are no such consequences to your health if you practice it. And there’s the promise of some really great benefits. So, you might just want to stop a little, literally, to think if this is something for you!