How, On Earth, To Eat Pussy?
- Understanding The Female Anatomy
- How to Eat Pussy?
- Tips on How to Eat Pussy
- 5 Steps To Eating Pussy Like a Pro
- The Origins
- Final Words
Is that title a little too direct for you? I mean, I know it wasn’t necessary to specifically exclude the aliens like that but other than that as well. I wanted to, rather could have, used euphemism and said something like, ‘How to master oral sex?’ or ‘How to please your lover with your tongue?’ (That one’s rather good, yeah?) But you’ll have to bear with me today as I, at times, like to go about things directly. Moreover, eating pussy is all about knowing where to go and eat. So, let’s try to answer the question that bothers many lovers: how to eat pussy (properly)?
Many men often learn a technique (rarely two) that might have worked (or did it?) on their first partner. We believe that we’ve reached the guru state and have nothing else to learn on how to eat pussy. While many ladies there are very polite, there’s a great chance that she won’t tell you anything even if you’re doing a terrible job. Did you know that around 80% of women had at least one poor oral sex experience in their lives? That’s 4 out of 5 women. Terrible stats, right?
You Can Always Become a Better Lover
If you actually take the time to check some anonymous answers from women – over 55 % agree that their partners have poor technique. Therefore, could use a lesson or two on how to eat pussy. Why? Basically, because we pretty much don’t understand that only some parts of the vulva (such as the clitoris) experience actual arousal while licking other parts is simply pointless and feels weird.
Now obviously I don’t recommend straight up taking a knife and a fork and some ketchup (or wine?) to go about it. However, there’s obviously another reason for this directness. I plan to talk about how I decided to write this article – there’s me getting a cold and running out of tissues and some other fluids involved. And as the article might meander here or there a bit so I figured, the title should go straight at it.
Also, please don’t pour ketchup (obviously) or any kind of alcoholic beverages in anyone’s vagina. The soft tissues inside your pussy might not be able to take it. For some, it’s all well to shove a magic mushroom up the coochie (or is it?) or try and see if alcohol is absorbed in your body through the belly button (who does that?) but alcohol in the vagina is a big no-no. So, let’s begin this fun (I’m hoping) article now!
The Anatomy of The Female Vagina and How to Work Wonders With It…
No man can know this without some help – that’s why I’m writing this article! How many of you have really sat down in front of the computer to actually look at the female anatomy and study it. How can we strive to pleasure women if we don’t know the basics about their bodies? I had my partner helping me out and thanks to my silver snot moment this morning, you have me! So first up, let’s actually know what’s down there. So, if you want to know how to eat pussy like a pro, spare those 5 minutes of your life and learn the basics.
Here’s an image for you to acquaint yourself with a female vagina. First, I looked at it on a computer screen, and then I asked my partner, sweetly, to open up her legs. You can do this as well, to try out some tips or tricks I plan to give you. Then I wore my reading glasses and dove into it. No, I didn’t nosedive into oral sex with my reading glasses on, I simply took my time to see what’s where.
She was rather amused – legs spread, naked, watching me touch every part of her vagina to know it better. Then I could be so scientific-minded at times is the reason snot gives me epiphanies. Then again, the wiring in my head could also be a bit off, but give me the benefit of doubt.
Now, Coming to The Part That’ll Help You Be a Better Lover…
If you looked at that image and analyzed it – oh, you haven’t? – no worries, I got you. You should know that the clitoris is not the only thing you should focus on, as it’s not the whole vulva (check the image again) The vulva – which comes in many shapes and sizes, depending on how the lips of the labia are – basically, includes the clitoris, both inner and outer labia, and the opening of the vagina.
This opening is filled with nerve endings and is super sensitive, so you must pay attention to this part as well. The vagina is the, for the lack of better words, tunnel where you go in. The vulva is the part outside of that sweet ride. The clitoris is the tip of that iceberg you want to touch – and it’s right up at the top! The clitoris is quite close to the urethral opening and both these parts are sensitive. Touching just the clitoris won’t work, my friend. Eating pussy is more than that.
The labia, ah, the lips, you need to open them. They are the guards, sort of, to the opening of the vagina and the urethra. They begin right down the clitoris and end a bit up the anus. You can touch the clitoris and work your way down to opening up the labia. Rubbing the clitoris is what makes a woman wet. So, eating pussy sure starts from there, but you have miles to go before you sleep. (Do you think Robert Frost just turned in his grave? I’m sorry mister Frost, but I mean well.)
Those Tips and Suggestions You’ve Been Waiting For…
My partner can call five times a day to know if I’m drinking enough water but when she wants to be coy, she won’t tell me anything I want to know. For example, if I ask her if what I’m doing is turning her on she would reply something sexy but wouldn’t give me a yes or a no. So, how do we know if what we’re doing is actually turning someone on?
The trick is to see if they’re getting wet. And I’m not saying you have to look for fluids, you’d actually feel it coming out of the vagina. The slick and milky white wet isn’t always cum but a natural lubricant produced by the body. Moreover, when what you’re doing is working the labia itself will let loose – it’s the body’s way of welcoming your touch and an invitation to go deeper inside.
If you look at a vagina when someone isn’t turned on, as I did with my reading glasses and everything, you’ll actually see a closed labia. So here’s what you do:
How to Eat Pussy Like a Pro: 5 Steps
- Look at the vagina, sans reading glasses, and start with the clitoris. Before oral sex you could take your thumb and rub the clit a bit – you’ll feel it’s not much wet – just for a few seconds, and then take your tongue there.
- Continue rubbing the clit with your tongue and work your way down to gently open up the labia. At this stage, you’re simply licking the vulva. You don’t need to lick the outer but the inner labia to open it up further.
- After a few seconds, you’ll taste the wet and see how much the vagina has opened up – this is when you start applying pressure. Push your tongue into the vagina, at this stage, the vagina would be right open inviting you in! Take the tongue in and out and continue licking the complete vulva – that’s running your tongue up and down from the clitoris to the vaginal opening.
- Here you decide how fast or slow you want to go – I recommend starting slow and then going fast. You could also lean in, basically nosedive, and let your tongue touch all of it together – being touched all over at the same time is really pleasurable. Also, vigorously rubbing your tongue on the upper part of the vaginal opening, towards the urethral opening and the clitoris is always a good idea.
- And when she moans or starts swaying her hips, let her…you don’t stop for at least three minutes or unless you see her body shaking or her toes curling.
Pro Tip: finger her while you lick her. Clip the nails before you do so. Such a little thing as a couple of fingers inside can do that much more for your partner.
How My Weird Epiphanies Lead Me to Write an Article on How to Eat Pussy…
A non-essential, yet funny story. So skip if you’re not in the mood for any mumbo-jumbo and just came here to know how to eat pussy.
Now, why am I writing this article on how to eat pussy if I’m, ahem, so sick? Because firstly, I’m not sick but simply a bit ill-disposed at the moment and secondly, I’ve had a rather groovy epiphany this morning. You see, I have a cold and I usually keep a huge roll of tissues with me but last week has been extremely busy and after yesterday, I ran out of tissues. So, I took out three old-fashioned kerchiefs (bandanas) to use. This story has something to do with eating pussy I swear, just bear with me and read on a bit.
So there I was, deploying snot bombs out of my nose (snot is such a funny word, snot, snort, snooty – this might be the cough syrup talking) and sitting outside in the sun (my house has a backyard and none of my neighbors are around that time of the day) when I looked at my handkerchief, and what do I see? The fluids that I discharged out of my nose glisten. Some parts of my hanky actually glistened in the sun and watching that made me think, God, our bodies are quite wonderfully weird – this epiphany led me to think about other things and this article happened.
Fun Fact: according to therapists, many women consider oral sex as the most intimate act of lovemaking.
Weird But Makes Sense
I started thinking about the pussy when after a second, my mind wandered off to think how the discharge from my nose on this handkerchief I was holding looked like my partner’s silver highlighter serum. As if something cosmetic was oozing out of my nose and shining in the sun. That’s when I bunched up the handkerchief and put it in a bowl of water plus disinfectant and double-masked myself (it’s a pain when your nose has a cosmetic river flowing out of it but you gotta do what you gotta do) to go out for some tissues. In case you wonder, my Covid test was negative.
I’ve been feeling better since morning, just putting it here. But now that the train of thought had begun in my head, it took me to that time when my partner had told me all about how eating pussies the right way can bring about a miracle I’m talking about a nice, good toe-curling orgasm.
Final Words on How to Eat Pussy Like a Pro
The ultimate trick is to know that you need to communicate with your partner. Ask her if she likes what you’re doing, even when her body is telling her that she does in fact, like it. Maybe she wants you to put more pressure? Or less. Or maybe she wants the fingers also with the tongue.
However, be prepared that she might be shy, at first at least. So, a good way to get the conversation started is maybe telling some things that feel really good about what she does for you. Yet, once you actually start talking, you will find out a LOT.
Rub her clitoris with a finger while your tongue is pushing inside her vagina or the tongue licking the opening of her vagina and thank me later.
